It’s been a while. Goodness, has it been a while.
I’ve missed writing on my personal blog a lot. I don’t even think it has been that terribly long, but I do know that when I log on, I open WordPress, check any notifications and then close right back out of it for enough consecutive days that it’s got me bumming hard. Especially as I still have 12+ blogs in my drafts folder I want to write. Of course, I didn’t choose one of those to get back into the swing of things but instead decided to write a post about why I’ve been so absent:
I know, not the most exciting answer. And not surprising, either. How often does life get in the way of what we want to do, forcing us back into the mundane and the routine? Yet I’m in a weird position right now where it’s not only the mundane aspects of my life that are getting in the way–like adulting responsibilities–but the things that I want to be doing are also getting in the way of doing other things that I want to be doing, like writing and blogging.
Let me ‘plain.
For the past few weeks, I have felt constantly behind; like I’m always making excuses or apologies to others for my tardiness, my slowness or my inability to keep up with a schedule. Most of that time, I was stressing out about securing a job before I move into my apartment on the 27th. Thankfully, I have one (though due to pay miscommunication, I will most likely have to search for a second one before too long) and can move into my apartment without feeling like I’m going to vomit because all my money disappeared; which I have continually felt in waves, one day feeling financially stable and confident, the next, staring in horror at my bank account and all the looming bills waiting to take a stab at me. Now I’m slowly going through the process of purchasing furniture, figuring out utilities and internet, getting renter’s insurance, all the aspects of actually moving, et cetera.
Aside from adulting, I am trying to balance a couple main things: reading, blogging, book reviewing, editing (personally and as a CP), writing and gaming. Most of these things are normally considered hobbies. But I feel like some of them have transitioned for me to be less hobby-like–though still as enjoyable–and more like jobs in their own rights. And I’m slowly figuring out that I must figure out (ha) how to balance all of the commitments and personal goals that I have relating to these things, on top of other responsibilities in other aspects of my life. Because I don’t want to–and don’t plan to–give any of them up.
In regards to writing and editing, I’m really excited where my life has turned to, as a year ago, none of this was happening. At the moment, I’m working (and getting paid) to assist in editing a client’s manuscript. I’m beta reading a friend’s manuscript. I just turned in a Readers Report on another manuscript for an agency I’m hoping to remotely intern for throughout this semester. I’m also reading another manuscript as part of a trilogy trade (and oh so excited about it *squee*). Not to mention that I will be forever editing Darryn’s trilogy and still have to finish my first round of edits on Grayson’s story before September. I’m so excited to do all of these things, but they are all going on at the same time.
And that’s not all.
I have two books one publishing company sent me to read and review. I just received a box of eight books my dream agent sent me to also read and review. Not to mention the five books I have from the library and the nth number of books on my never-ending To-Read list. I have three letters that are still awaiting replies. And I haven’t even gotten to my own writing I still need to do. I have written in almost a month, so consumed have I been with editing my own work and the works of others. And not creating something new is taking its toll on me. I’m itching for it. Not only to finish Artemis’s story, which I have fallen in love with and miss terribly, but also a new story that I came up with on the drive home from work one day and can’t get rid of. Like Artemis did while I was writing Grayson’s story, this story is starting to knock on all the walls of my brain while slipping sneakily between the crevasses of my heart, trying to pull me away from my current WIP so I can learn about her. I don’t know her name yet, but I can see her face. I am dying to meet her (which, of course, requires me to write). And then I have the short story I want to edit, the other short story I want to write and the premise of another story that I’m not sure what to do with yet, but I know it is worth exploring. And I really want to return to writing my novel-length video game fanfiction.
But that’s not all.
Then we move into other aspects of my life that also take up time. My dog and I have one more week left of our 12 Week Walking Challenge (and then another week before I move out and my brother takes over the helm of walking the 90-pound Golden-Behemoth 2 miles around the neighborhood daily). Once I move out, I want to set up a fitness regime that I actually stick to. I really want to put fitness at the top of my priority list. I want to finish some TV shows I have been putting off for years. I have a family I’m close to and friends I want to hang out with. I have projects at work I need to complete. I’m also part of an international mentoring program at work that starts on the 22nd. Plus things like showering, sleeping, cleaning, cooking, driving; you know, back to the mundane.
Where do you find the time?!
So I’m busy. I have a lot on my plate, most of it self-inflicted since I have a hard time saying no. But I want it like this, oddly enough. Despite the feeling of craziness and being slightly overwhelmed; despite feeling like I’m always behind and that there is never enough time in the day, I love it. I love being so involved in the writing and editing community. Only a year ago, that part of my life was practically non-existent, even on my personal writing side. I love making a schedule and having almost every hour of my day filled with goals and projects. And at the moment, I don’t so much overwhelmed, like I did earlier this month, but moreso like I’m just never going to get caught up. But I try, anyway, and enjoy the ride, as frantic and busy and rewarding as it is.
And I think that’s okay.