The brain is an interesting thing.
Particularly how it ties into willpower and how willpower ties into decision making and how tripping up once with your willpower and choosing the “wrong” thing can easily create a domino effect.
That pesky domino effect.
Last week, I ran twice when really, I had the opportunity to run five times (maybe even six). Yet a lot of the time, I chose to sleep in instead of getting up to go run. And though I was tired, I never really woke up fully rested, instead usually just berating myself for choosing to waste another morning. And then the rest of the day, I’d be slightly irritated–even if it was just in the back of my mind–for not running in the morning, which threw off my entire groove.
It tied into my eating, as well. Since I already messed up one thing tied into my goal of shaping the body I want and living a healthier lifestyle, i.e., running, I let myself slide with all the other aspects of that goal. For example, eating that snack when I wasn’t hungry or splurging on that meal even though I knew it was going to mess me up. And sure, those aren’t necessarily bad things, but they stack up. Especially when this line of thinking repeats multiple times over the week and you’re trying to hit your calorie goal and consistently go over, yet you’re not fighting it by running.
Today is weigh day and I’m absolutely dreading to see how much I gained. Sure, it’s not going to be 10 pounds or any such nonsense, but it will probably be a couple pounds back instead of that losing-one-pound-a-week progress I’ve been making. And that’s going to bum me out. Nothing that I can’t conquer, by any means, but it makes me to just go back and reflect on what caused all this in the first place; the same thing causing me to feel so guilty about it currently, a guilt that’s been carried around all week, weighing more than whatever number pops up on that scale.
That pesky domino effect.
It’s crazy to me how, if I oversleep or choose sleep instead of running, suddenly my entire day is thrown off. Suddenly the habits I’ve instilled, like logging food or eating good, filling, healthy meals, go by the wayside; how easily, if I miss one day, suddenly the next day, the temptation to choose sleep over the goals I’m working towards becomes even more appealing. Then you blink and your entire week has been messed up. It’s even crazier when I know, every time I choose to sleep (or play video games or what have you) instead of start my day off with a run, that I’m going to beat myself up for it and I know it’s going to take that much more willpower to get back on track.
I know this, but I still fall into this trap anyway, tipping over that first domino and then waiting to see if the rest of them fall.
So yeah, last week sucked. Worse, it’s been eating me up since last Monday, that first day I skipped a run. And I don’t like it, especially because the only thing causing that is me and the choices I made. I’m excited for the chance to get back on track this week and do better. I’m nervous–but excited–to see how far I’ve set myself back and then begin taking the steps forward again to get back on track.
Granted, I also have to admit that I’m beating myself up a little too much for one lazy week. I’m not above taking a lazy day here and there, because I honestly think that’s needed to recharge and be happy in general. But when I’m being so lazy that it’s one of the only things I think about and I’m constantly regretting as it happens? Yeah, not so much a fan of that.
So here’s to new weeks and fresh starts and being forgiving, while also chasing your goals.