There are a lot of reasons why I’m really excited for spring to get here: the warm weather, to not feel cold all of the time, not having to worry about trying to drive in the snow, getting to wear tank tops again, the huge fluffy clouds and feeling of renewal with the sun shining every day…
…to run again.
I won’t lie: ever since I started taking fitness and the shape of my body seriously, I got seriously concerned about surviving the winter months. Especially since I can’t afford a gym membership and running outside was just not a option, with how cold it gets here and the less than ideal pavement conditions. Over the holidays, I did really well, only fluctuating between a pound and two. I was still walking over 5,000 steps a day, which is not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.
Then, I got sick with the flu and hardly moved at all for two weeks. And this past week, I ate worse than I have in…well, a long time. Don’t get me wrong: the food was good, but I completely threw out all of the lessons I’d learned, through Naturally Slim, which were some key components to the healthier lifestyle (and weight loss that accompanied) I was creating.
I had to force myself to weigh this morning, because I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.
It was, “You just gained five pounds in one week” kinda ugly.
I wasn’t that surprised, honestly. It reflected the time after being sick and not moving, not eating well and not taking the best care of myself, while also trying to get back to being 100% health wise to begin with. On top of that, there was also a lack of willpower, when I’d snack even though I wasn’t hungry, drink my calories and just eat poorly, even though I knew, mentally, that wasn’t what my body needed or had become accustomed to.
I’m absolutely 100% disappointed in myself.
Today, I returned back to the principles I knew. I’ve been drinking water, I got back to my normal eating schedule (and logging my food, something I haven’t been doing, either) and am back eating within my needed calorie range. I also did some indoor exercises today that aren’t going to help with weight loss, but I want to get stronger and strengthen some muscles, and these are exercises I want to incorporate into my routine, once I’m able to run again, so I’m doing cardio and weights. Plus, working up at least some sweat was needed.
I did all of this instead of beating myself up (too much) or giving into despair and diving even worse, abandoning everything I learned and worked for in the past year.
In that way, I’m proud of myself. The scale provided me with the reality check of how easy it is to let your habits slip between your fingers and how easy it is to slip up.
Yet I also got the reality check that I’m putting too much pressure on the number on that scale.
Honestly, looking in the mirror, I’m not seeing too much a difference, physically, now that I added those five pounds back. Granted, I still plan on getting rid of them (and more besides, to reach my end goal), but I’m not suddenly the whale I feel like. I do feel not as well, though. I’m getting hungrier easier and I can tell I’m wanting to eat more, even though I know I don’t need to. Yet I know, I continue to work and shape my body the way I want and that number on the scale was the same as it is now, I’d be okay with that, because I’m still looking and feeling the way I want.
So why am I beating myself up so much now?
I think about this a lot, this change I’ve made in my life. I stress about it often, as well; fearing going back to where I once was, where this wasn’t an important aspect of my life. I actually really enjoy it. I like being in charge of how my body looks and feels (as much as I can) and shaping it into something I’m proud of. Yet I don’t like getting stressed out over it; for beating myself up when I slip up or when my progress falters ever so slightly. Five pounds is a lot, yes, but it isn’t something I can’t conquer. Plus, I learned how strong my willpower will have to be in the winter (or how I’ll have to adjust my wallet to make having a gym membership a necessity, in the future), which is a good lesson to learn, too, even if it means I have more work ahead of me to reach my ultimate goal.
It’s always a learning process, deciding to take your health in your hands and getting into fitness. Honestly, though? Learning to be forgiving is probably the hardest lesson I’ve encountered so far. Right now, all I want to do is beat myself up for messing up, but really?
I’m still doing just fine.