I feel this one may be a little random, so please bear with me. It also might be a little controversial, because by the end of this post, I’m basically arguing with myself and telling myself I need to choose happiness more, instead of getting caught up in the little annoyances of life.
Granted–and I want this to be very clear–I realize not everyone has the luxury or the ability to just be able to “choose happiness.” Whether it be because of a disability, a mental illness, depression or loads of other factors, choosing happiness is not something everyone can just do to help themselves feel better. It’s something I am very lucky to be able to do, with a lot of mental work–and after a lot of work on actively changing my mindset–so I want that to be very clear from the get go. It’s not an easy request and it isn’t one available to everyone.
That being said, I’ve found myself not choosing or chasing after happiness/positivity and instead, getting hung up on little things or becoming more depressed or just down in the dumps than usual lately.
Why? Well, I’m not rightly sure.
But I’ve found myself getting irritated a little easier, especially at work. There are things that used to not bother me that drive me up the wall, yet they shouldn’t. Personalities can clash or things can be a little annoying, sure, but the work is still getting done and I still have a wonderful job, with benefits (both paid and some that come unadvertised, as the nature of the job, but I cherish them the most) so I should stop focusing so much on what Person A does to annoy me or the fact that my job includes this aspect that I don’t really enjoy and instead focus on the perks of my job and be thankful I have one.
I’ve also definitely been a lot lazier and find myself not wanting to work out or do other things, instead of just wanting to lounge around and not do much else. But then, when I have days like today, where I did sleep in a little bit too long (thanks to forgetting to set an alarm), but still managed to do some strength training, shower, cook dinner, fold laundry, eat lunch and sneak in an hour of ESO before coming into work and continuing the productive streak; I feel so much better than if I just lounged around all day doing nothing. It reminds me how much I actually enjoy being productive.
There is also so much to look forward to, for the rest of the year. I have something going on every weekend until…December, I believe? Whether it’s regular DnD with the thieves guild campaign I’m currently in, The Siren’s Call, or a couple of fun dates with my man (including the pumpkin patch + cider mill and a trip to the Renaissance Fair that I’m oh so excited for); or a fun surprise I haven’t post about yet that I’ll reveal later this week, our vacation in the middle of October to visit my Mom’s family in NC, Fallout 76 (!!) and Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey coming out, my 26th birthday, filling in my sleeve, Thanksgiving and CHRISTMAS…I mean, there is just a lot of really good memories about to be made and awesome events about to happen that I’m really stoked about.
So why I am getting hung up on these little annoyances that ruin my day, like not being able to use a manual can opener and wanting to throw the beans against the wall? Or my period starting three days early? Or feeling like a whale all of the sudden again and needing to rework my mindset and start loving myself again, instead of believing myself to be an ugly cow who deserves nothing (because we all now self-worth is based off looks, right? *please read sarcastically, because that’s bullshit*)?
I’m not sure why my moods have been more on the “blah” side than on the “holy shit you live a pretty awesome life” side. Because the second one is much more accurate. What I do know is that I have some power on what I focus on and I haven’t been focusing on the good, only the bad or the irritating. So I’d like to go back to focusing on the good and embracing that, because I live a pretty damn good life and I don’t want to miss it lamenting over five pounds gained or the latest rejection in my inbox.
I want to go and live it.