Discussion, Writing Posts

Time: Humanity’s Worst Concept

Oh, lovelies.

Hi there.

This is a post I definitely hoped I wouldn’t have to write, but I’m also…not surprised that I’m writing it?

Guess who still hasn’t adjusted to a new routine since starting a new job?

star wars sam GIF

Don’t get me wrong: changing jobs was 100% the right move. I am so much happier in my current job. It has a sense of purpose my previous job lacked, it allows me to help students and still work in the university setting and apply my strengths where my previous job didn’t. I get to work day hours and have a normal eating and sleeping routine, which is huge. And I can definitely tell I’m happier overall, though I’m still struggling with anxiety and depression and stress.

A lot of which, actually, is tied with not “having time” to complete the things I want to complete.

My blog. My writing, my novels. Reading. SPFBO commitments. My editing business. All of these things I was able to work on at my previous job, petting two birds with one pat. Now, my time at work is completely dedicated to, you know, actual job duties (what a bloody concept), so after you factor in a 30 minute drive home (that is usually only 10 minutes, but hi university traffic), a 15-20 minute shower and cooking dinner, I usually have a rough 3 to 4 hours free to relax before I have to go to bed and get enough sleep.

usa network burton guster GIF by Psych

That’s a good chunk of time, but when you add in so many commitments/hobbies/joys that I want to stay consistent in, plus spending time with my boyfriend, plus playing with my pets, plus PS4 down time to relax AND any errands that might pop up…

That’s a lot of stuff to fit into such a short amount of time.

Not to mention the days I meet my Mom for dinner or decide to meet up with some friends. Or the fact that none of that includes working out or taking my dog for a walk, both things I want to start doing regularly after work.

I also never anticipated how exhausted I would feel sometimes, after work. When, despite having the time and the opportunity, the last thing I want to do is try and figure out a plot hole or work on a new post when I can just curl up on the couch and panic fire for a few hours and completely relax my brain.

But then, comes the guilt.

sad shawn spencer GIF

I haven’t written a blog post in over two weeks.

Until yesterday, I hadn’t blog hopped all of January.

I have been reading The Blinding Light for almost six weeks now.

I just finished my first SPFBO book and it took me four weeks when it should have taken one.

My outline has sat for weeks untouched, unopened, when I have a goal date of writing new material starting next week.

All of these things I want to do, all of these things I need to do. My dream of becoming a published author is not going away and I already know I’m a little more depressed in some ways because I haven’t had the time to create. I miss reading, because it helps relax me. I love my blog, the outlet it provides, as well as reading all the blogs I follow, because they are just so much fun to read and enjoy. It’s also a way to build my platform and my brand as an author and I hate not being able to give it the time it needs; hate feeling guilty for not reading enough, so I’m not writing enough reviews, or not posting enough and then feeling guilty because suddenly my audience is going to disappear because my content is no longer posted frequently enough to be worth it.

*exhales*

But, I also changed jobs so my schedule would change. So I could see my boyfriend more. So I could have time to meet friends and family for dinner. So my boyfriend and I could play games together.

Which, of course, is going to cut into those other things.

psych GIF

So, this is just a really long rant to say I’m still trying to get all of this figured out. Especially since none of this is fitting that ideal, is it? You know, the images and stories that media portrays of the overworked individual getting home late off the subway from work, eating a pizza and eagerly diving in to work on their novel until the late hours of the day, because that drive is always with them and never broken. Or the Mom who waits until her kids are asleep and writes until 2am and still gets up at 5am when they wake her up. Or the woman who gets up at 5am to work out before she gets ready for the day and still manages to slay on her day job.

How do they all do it?

How do they handle the guilt when they can’t complete it all?

When they just need a break?

I sure as hell don’t know. Maybe it’s because none of those people truly exist; that such a standard, like many set and preached by society, are both impossible and improbable.

Or, perhaps they just gave themselves time to figure it out and were a little more forgiving than some of us are towards ourselves (read: me). Maybe they recognized being over-committed after they couldn’t double dip with time any longer and learned when to cut back and what they needed to double down on and protect, prioritize. Maybe they gave themselves permission to adjust and binge playing PS4 every night while they figured things out…even if it took them weeks longer than they ever anticipated.

That’s what I’m hoping, anyway.

Cheers.post signature

25 thoughts on “Time: Humanity’s Worst Concept”

  1. Girl, you take whatever time you need to figure out your work/life/blog balance! Kudos for making the brave change to a more fulfilling job, and for prioritizing your self care. We’ll all be anticipating your posts, but we understand! ❤

  2. You will get it all figured out. Try and let go of the guilt and enjoy the moments you have. Guilt is a waste- but easier said then done! And don’t forget everything you have accomplished!! That’s important! You are such an amazing person- very proud of you and love youN

  3. I have faith you’ll figure it out eventually 🙂 You might find you need to drop a commitment to reduce stress levels, or do less of each thing if you can’t bear to part with something, but when you stop putting pressure on yourself things tend to fall into place. Give it time, and you’ll figure it out 🙂

  4. Don’t be so hard on yourself! 🙂 The secret is… there is no secret! If you’re stressing and feeling guilty, you won’t be at your relaxed and creative best. Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I’d say give yourself time, do the things that give you pleasure and help you relax, and pretty soon, your new routine will fall into place. You can give yourself permission to take it easy!

  5. Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. It takes a long time to really get a handle on things after a major life change , and changing jobs is certainly one of those! I understand the guilt, but honestly it’s not your friend. Not a motivator, just the opposite. Try to lay it aside and reconnect instead with what gives you joy, and you’ll figure it out.

    1. I definitely like the “reconnect with what gives you joy” advice, because I think you’re right: guilt definitely doesn’t serve as a good motivator in any capacity.

  6. Needing time to adjust is normal. And being stressed about not having time to write (let alone all the many other things you do!) is so normal as to be cliche. What I’m saying is, those people who wake up at 5am to write before taking their kids to school, etc are a) awesome but not the norm and b) probably a lot more settled into their routines and probably had a long time of struggling to fit in their projects before they found something that worked for them.

    I’m so glad you have a job that suits you better and I really hope you will settle in soon and begin to feel like you have more time for your projects. You are honestly already doing so much and it’s super impressive to me. I don’t think you should feel guilty for needing time to adjust to this massive change (although I completely understand the feeling).

    You’ve got this. 🙂 It’s okay if it takes time.

    1. Ahh, Victoria, your message almost made me cry! That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear and it means so much to me that you took the time to write and let me know. Thank you so, so much. ❤ ❤ ❤ I have always been pretty hard on myself and this shouldn't surprise me that this is no different. I am definitely ready for this new routine, but I think I DO need to be forgiving and realize it's going to take time and I should be patient and wait for that time an allow myself to adjust. Thank you for the reminder. ❤

      1. I’m very glad it was a positive message. 🙂 Keep being awesome. You’ll work it out.

  7. I almost quit blogging during my first year of it because of time/schedule issues. Like you’re experiencing, work is a huge time suck and then for me family commitments is the second. After that I’m just so tired after work during the week. I told myself just make it through one year and see how you feel. At the beginning of year two I felt better. I finally told myself it was ok to come up with my own pace, it was ok if I only wrote reviews on weekends, it was ok if I missed a weekend. Taking the expectations off of myself was a tremendous help. The pressure to be engaged is still there but isn’t as bad. I also try to stay engaged every day on Twitter with the community which really helps. You’ll figure out the right balance for you and then you’ll shine.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Jason!! I can definitely imagine what your describing and it means a lot to me to see that you figured it out (gives me a little hope I will, too!). And I am SO glad you stuck it out, because you’re one of my favorite bloggers and I always love seeing a new post from you!

  8. Oh Nicole. I’m really happy that your new job has been good and fulfilling in the way your older job wasn’t. ❤ It always takes time to get back into a rhythm and to get used to a new routine, and it's so, SO important to take care of yourself even if there's nothing you want more than to write, continue your novel, create and blog and more… sometimes we just can't because we're exhausted after long days at work and just want to binge watch something and sleep. Sleep is important ahah.
    I hope you'll find your rhythm, but take your time, too, there is no rush. your health and everything else matters more and you'll find ways to fit creative writing and other creative outlets in it all, i'm certain of it ❤

    1. Thank you so much, Marie!! I definitely feel where you are coming from. I think I have been a little too impatient in figuring out the groove of things and whatnot, when instead I should just be listening to my body and the cues that come from it. My novels, books and my blog will all be here after I figure everything out and I should be a little more understanding about that. ❤ Thank you for reminding me how important that is!! ❤ ❤

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