Random Musings

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Hello lovelies.

I hope you all are hanging in there! I’ve been in isolation for 60 days, now. I know it’s needed, for sure, and I support that. I know it needs to happen for a lot longer and I support that, too. But my brain is slowly trying to accept that this is going to be a reality for a while now, but that doesn’t make that acceptance any easier. And with so much going on, I think I just want to throw some reminders out into the void, just in case you need it (before Lord knows I do):

It’s okay to be angry right now. At what has happened, how this pandemic is being handled by your leadership, at the world.

It’s okay to be disappointed on what you’ve lost, no matter how minor it is. A trip, a coffee date, a vacation, a graduation, a birthday, regular routines, dog parks, visiting family and friends. It’s easy to get caught up and think that you can’t complain or be sad that these events were cancelled or postponed or uncertain for the near future, especially if you’re one of the lucky ones who still has your job and your health. But this type of grieving is normal. It’s okay to miss these things.

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It’s okay to be frustrated with your job. Be delicate about how you handle that frustration and please recognize that still having an income is an amazing privilege right now. But you also might be dealing with remote struggles or technology issues or imbalances. You may be micromanaged more now, expected to take on more work or at the risk of layoffs constantly, despite also suddenly becoming a teacher for your children, a caretaker for loved ones or just trying to mentally, emotionally and physically survive during a global pandemic.

It’s okay to wish things were different.

It’s okay to be sad. Obviously, you gotta try and manage your mental health as best you can, but it’s also okay to feel. Cry it out. Eat that extra chocolate. Text your best friend and tell them how hard of a day you’re having and how much it sucks. Try your best not to spiral, but it’s also okay to break down every once in a while.

It’s okay to be scared. In fact, I think we all should be.

It’s okay to wish none of this had ever happened.

quote lord of the rings LOTR The Fellowship of the Ring gandalf ...

It’s okay to be scared of the future.

It’s okay to not have all the answers.

It’s okay to struggle to understand how you feel, right now.

It’s okay to gain weight. Because being fat isn’t a bad thing and you shouldn’t have to feel the pressure of losing weight during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC as a means of trying to find self worth.

It’s okay to not be okay.

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That’s a lot of reminders, I know. But if ever there was a time where we would feel so much and experience such a weird range of emotions, it is now. Especially since the place we use to stay in touch the most, through social media, is the same place where it can trigger a lot of emotions that are hard to feel.

You could see others who are thriving or have picked up a new hobby or is still meeting all of their goals. You could see those who have a job when you’ve lost yours. You could see those who are in love and not alone while you’re living in solitude. You could see those mourning the ones they’ve lost to this illness. Or, you could feel guilt that you’re experiencing any positives, while you know others are struggles and suffering.

This is just a lot of rambling to say that we’re all dealing with a lot, right now. Personally, some days, I’m super positive and productive and hopeful and ready to take on the day. Other days, I’m so unmotivated and so depressed, the fact that I move at all should be considered a victory. Other days, I am filled with anger and hatred, towards our president, the corruption of our government and how their handling of his pandemic have needlessly cost so many people their lives. Some days, I hope more onto hope that maybe this will help bring about the change we so desperately need.

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I’m all over the place. Maybe you’re all over the place, too. And I just wanted to remind you that that’s okay. You’re okay. And don’t let anyone tell you differently.post signature


19 thoughts on “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay”

  1. Its crazy that there is still this instinct to “make the most of it” when in reality, this situation sucks and just getting to the other side is an accomplishment

    1. Honestly, though! Like, more power to you if you’re able to do something like that, but just waking up and choosing to attempt another day should be enough even in normal times, but ESPECIALLY now.

  2. “Because being fat isn’t a bad thing and you shouldn’t have to feel the pressure of losing weight during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC as a means of trying to find self worth.”
    YASSS!! THIS! I needed to hear this soo much. Thank you for writing this. I hope you feel better soon ❤️ take care and stay safe.

    1. Awww, Elsie, I’m so glad it was a needed reminder for you! Societal body standards are bullshit and your weight has NOTHING to do with your self worth or what you can accomplish or who you can be, no matter what anyone says. ❤ ❤

      Stay safe and take care of yourself, too!

  3. I’m thankful I still have my job to go to but I do worry some about being around people and getting sick. I’m in healthcare admin and I can work from home some but not all the time. What I get sad about are the little things my kids miss. Like that two of them had their archery seasons at school cut short and my daughter was going to be on her school’s team for the state and possibly national tournaments. Or that they haven’t seen their friends since April. Or their grandparents. I stared they will have this crazy story to tell their kids about one day but I’d rather they just have had a normal Spring and summer.

    1. Oh, I totally believe that and I’m so sorry for your kids! I can’t imagine how any of them are dealing with this and the things they miss are so valid and still just as hard to deal with. I’m glad you still have your job, too, of course, but I do hope you’re able to stay safe!! My university is talking about going back in the fall and I’m not sure I’m ready to stop being remote until a proper vaccine is found.

      1. Yeah the vaccine issue is pretty big with me. I don’t want the kids going back before that and I don’t want to do too much in public before that. But I’ll tell you the remote learning for kids leaves A LOT to be desired.

      2. I don’t blame you! I can’t imagine trying to home school right now. That’s so intense, on top of everything else. But the idea of opening schools before a vaccine is ready is risking too much, I think.

  4. Thank you for this post, Nicole. ❤ I'm just like you, struggling between days where I'm mostly okay and others when I'm just like, NOPE ahah. Thank you for these wonderful reminders and this much needed post. Hang in there, I'm sending you all the love and hug and warmth and positive vibes, I love you tons. ❤

    1. So many of us are, which sucks. But, I hope you have more days that are positive rather than not and that you know how loved and appreciated and important you are to so many people! I’m so glad this post was helpful and we’ll make it through this, somehow! ❤ I love you tons and I'm so grateful for you!

  5. Thank you so much for this post, I think I needed to read it. I’m the first one to tell my friends that it’s okay not to be okay, it’s okay to be sad or mad or feel hurt at times, it’s okay to recognize that we feel all of these things…. yet, I always seem to push my own feelings away on the basis of “having to stay strong”. But this situation is hard and even if in appearance we are indeed okay, we can feel alone and isolated, or anxious about “what’s next?”. I think the answer to help and support each other, and I think you have done it wonderfully in this post. Thank you 💛

    1. Ohmygosh, your comment almost made me cry (and I’m sorry it took me so long to respond, I don’t usually have time to look at comments and whatnot expect for once-a-week!).

      But THANK YOU, I am so glad this post resonated with you. I definitely hear what you’re saying, I’m definitely the same in my “gotta stay strong” mentality. I hope you’re doing well, staying safe and taking care of yourself! ❤

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