It may not come to much surprise that, right now, my mental health…isn’t exactly the greatest. Some days, I’m totally fine. I’m able to be productive, cross things off my To-Do list and I feel fine; good, even. Others, I take an hour long bath and then curl up in bed and cry for an hour because the world has just become too much; everything just feels too overwhelming. Whether it’s missing the ability to do certain things, reminiscing on canceled plans and trips and missed milestones or just coming to terms with the fact that this is going to be our reality for a while and we’re nowhere close to doing through this yet; it gets hard, sometimes.
Which is why I’m going on a social media break, for a little while.How is that connected? While I love social media because it connects me to a lot of people I love who aren’t close to me normally (and especially now, since I can’t see anyone physically) and I love Twitter in particular for the writing community, it’s also very easy to spiral when I’m on it. Facebook, too.
Whether it’s a reminder of how poorly our government has responded and being disgusted by the moron who somehow is still pretending to lead; or the rising death toll; or the prediction of how this will last for years, if not the rest of our lives; to seeing negative comments about weight gain; to experiencing ugly emotions like jealousy and guilt when I go onto a comparison binge with everything else…
Friends, it’s just…a lot.
So, I’m just going to step away for a bit and try to really focus on things that matter to me. I’m finally going to make a routine again (I resisted making a full-on routine when this first started, because I didn’t want to have to switch it up again after this was “over,” but that’s just foolish at this point and routines really help me). I’m going to try to use the time I usually spent aimlessly scrolling to read more. I’m going to try to write more consistently. I want to get into fitness again. I’m going to try and get outside more. Wake up earlier than five minutes before I need to log onto work. Just generally try and use my time for things that actually bring me pretty consistent joy?
I realize that this is a privilege, to be able to step back and away from the news and the media, because not everyone has that ability, even when they need it. But I also recognize that, for my own mental health, I need it right now. And I hope you’re able to understand that. I will still read the daily Guardian updates, as I still want to stay informed about what is going on in the world. But limiting the hot takes and constant reminders on social media will help, too.
I miss being able to just go out. I miss having weekends that look more different than the weekday, because I have something to look forward to. I miss seeing my family and friends. I miss traveling. Oh, do I miss traveling. I miss planning for the future and getting excited for what it brings.
I know much of this pandemic is out of my control. I know I can only do so much–and I’m doing everything I can to keep myself and others safe, from always wearing a mask whenever I leave the house, to only leaving the house whenever I absolutely must, to working remote and encouraging others to do all of these things and more, if they can. I won’t ever say this doesn’t suck.
It bloody does.
But, I’m going to try and reframe things a bit, in my mind. Remind myself that I’m getting back over an hour in commute time to use for whatever I want. I get to see my boyfriend always, when the first three years of dating, we only saw one another once a week, if that. I have the best pets. I still have both my jobs. I have the opportunity, with no social obligations for any foreseeable future, to really make progress on things that are important to me, but have gotten the back-burner, due to so many things. My writing. Reading the books I own. Creating a fitness routine. Learning a language. Enjoying nature. Learning how to be a better cook. Bake more.
So, I’m going to try and make this as positive as possible, despite everything being really shitty right now. I’m not expecting a social media break to completely solve all of my problems, but I do hope it’ll help give my brain a reset, as I try to transition into this new way of thinking about how to live in the world we find ourselves in.
After this post goes live, I’m going to log off of Facebook, Twitter and Facebook Messenger. I’m going to delete those apps off my phone. You may still see updates on them, as I plan to still use Instagram to post pictures, since I really enjoy that. I may occasionally hop on (I know of a few things I definitely want to participate in, in the coming months on Twitter, and I definitely don’t want to miss them). And who knows, maybe I’ll find myself logging on after two days, this break not working at all. Please don’t call me out if that happens.
I have no idea when I’ll start using it regularly again. If you want to stay in touch (blogger pals and writer friends, I’m looking at you, in particular, because I’ll miss you!), then you can always use my contact form to email me! I’ll still be blogging, so you’ll definitely be able to reach out on this space. I’m also always a fan of old-fashioned letters.
Thanks for understanding, friends! I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy. I hope you’re able to find a reason to smile each day and I hope you don’t lose your desire to fight injustice, to create new art or find new passions. We’ll get through this, together. I am confident in that. We just gotta remember to take care of ourselves in the meantime. <3