I hope you all had a good, restful weekend and that you’re doing what you need to, in order to take care of yourself. The world is still a raging dumpster fire and it’s very easy to let your mind get caught up in everything. And while it is important to stay informed and keep fighting, don’t forget to also take care of yourself, as you do so.
Which is sorta the focus of this post. If you follow pretty regularly, you may have read last week how I was fighting for some way to figure out how to battle my depression, because while I am a huge advocate for staying home as much as possible right now (you do know there is a global pandemic going on, right?), you also gotta acknowledge what that does to someone’s mental health.
For me, it’s turned usually busy weekends visiting family and friends into staying at home and playing video games, writing books or working on projects. It’s resulted in cancelled trips and vacations, working remote for the first time, dealing with unemployment in my household, differing perspectives from those I love in regards COVID-19, and a lot of added stress and anxiety.
So, I started that new routine last week and it went really well. I found myself a little more tired throughout the day, but I also fell asleep quicker as a whole, found myself more motivated to accomplish tasks and not spending as much time on social media, because I’d already planned out what I was going to do for each chunk of time. It felt great to start the day off with a walk and it was really enjoyable–and challenging–to work out again. Both of those things helped me lessen how many negative thoughts I had about my body, which was also really wonderful (and needed, since I’ve been so hateful towards myself since gaining weight).
It’s a routine I plan to stick with, because I do seem to be happier as a result of it.
This morning, however, I slept in until 7:30am, instead of getting up at 6am, missing my morning walk and my workout.
I had already changed my alarm from 6:00am to 6:45am because it was forecast to rain from 3am Sunday night and into all day today on Monday, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk anyway (of course, it didn’t start until almost 8am, so this is what I get for trying to trust anything forecast-related). But, I workout in my garage, so I could do that. But, I hit snooze and got a little bit of extra sleep.
Usually, I’d feel guilty at this and the rest of my day would be completely thrown off because of this guilt and how heavy it weighs.
Instead, I’ve been actively telling myself that this is okay, not only because it did rain (even if it was after the fact and I totally could’ve walked this morning), but because this is a pretty drastic change in routine that I’m attempting. There are going to be hiccups. There are going to be moments when you’ll be happier skipping the workout than doing it; or when you had planned to complete X project from this block of time, but then a chat with a friend puts you behind schedule, so you need to reevaluate–but it was totally worth it for that chat.
This is something I’ve been working on reminding myself: that even though I’m trying to implement something that looks pretty rigid, I’m mostly trying to find some structure, so my brain has less chance to wander and then find ways to attack me, like it’s prone to do. For me, this structure is usually rigid, but I’m trying to learn that it’s okay to be flexible. It’s okay that things change. It’s okay to not check off every box or cross everything off your To-Do list.
It’s okay to just be.
I hope, amidst what is most likely one of the most challenging times in our lives, that you’re able to find things that make you happy. But, at the same time, you’re also forgiving towards yourself and kinder than you’ve ever been to yourself. The world is cruel and hard enough than for us to add even more onto ourselves.