Last Updated on October 5, 2022 by ThoughtsStained
Hi loves! This post is a bit of a weird one, I’ll admit. Yet this is where my brain is at, so we’re running with it today! But, as I enter the high busy season at my day job (October and November for this time of year), I’ve found myself struggling with a lot of guilt. Particularly surrounding my pup, Dovahkiin, and the life my dog deserves–or, at least, what I feel she deserves, anyway. Right now, it feels like I can’t give it to her, for reasons both inside and outside of my control.
So, like I do, I wanted to talk about it. He we go!

Context
So, I think most regular followers of the blog know all about this. But, a quick rundown for any new folks who might have just discovered me (or just want a refresher). I’m a twenty something millennial (30 in less than a month π³) who works full-time 8am-5pm. This job covers the bills. My second job, freelancing as an editor of SFF and select romance, helps work towards paying off medical debt and building any semblance of savings after (one day). Being a part-time graduate student in my MFA program is with the goal to make me more marketable for future jobs and potentially open up different degree options.
Then, there’s the hobbies: this blog, for example. Reading books and writing them. Playing video games. Hanging out with my partner, who also Twitch streams. Staying close with my family and being with my friends.
Finally, there is the very special dog, Dovahkiin.

The Life My Dog Deserves
Now, I’m a massive dog lover. I have always loved dogs and grew up with golden retrievers, so I’ve been very lucky in that regard. And I knew, whenever I could possibly do so, I wanted to get a dog of my own.
It took almost five years after graduating college before I could finally get an apartment with a fenced-in backyard (a prerequisite requirement I put on myself before I’d allow myself to even consider a pup), before I bought Dovah dog home.
Obviously, if you follow me on my socials (particularly Instagram or Twitter), you know how obsessed I am with this dog. I love her. And I want her to have the best life she can have. She’s spoiled, because why wouldn’t she be? I (try very hard) to take her for a daily walk. Going to the dog park is a regular thing. She gets brushed almost daily (despite hating it yet always needing it).
Yet, all I feel is guilt, because so much of my time is dedicated to working, in some capacity, that the life my dog deserves still isn’t quite her reality.
What’s Stopping Us?
What does that look like, you might ask? Sure, I don’t think I am a bad dog owner (even if I sometimes feel like it). She’s always fed, she has treats and toys, she gets pets, regularly groomed (daily and professionally) and walked often.
Yet, I can’t stop thinking about how this is the only life she gets. And she literally has no control over it. Everything about her life, I have to give her. And I want her to have the best one.
What do I want her to have that she’s missing? Well:
- Better training: we did some attempts when she was a puppy, but I wish I could train her better so she could have more things accessible to her as a well-trained dog, like going different places, less stress at dog parks, that sorta thing.
- Guaranteed walks and regular exercise: I have gotten really good about making walks a priority. Yet there are days when my body can’t do it (thanks chronic disability). Or when my spoons are too low or my mental health is shit. Or when I just can’t avoid it, because I’m too busy. Weather, too, obviously plays a factor. Yet I can’t afford a regular dog walker. I want so badly for her to have access to doggy daycare, but WHO CAN AFFORD THAT? Plus, I’d love to walk her twice a day, instead of only once, but I can barely fit in one 30 minute walk some days. π
- Trips and adventure: In my head, I had these grand plans for her to be my adventure buddy, like you see sometimes on social media. Traveling across America (or the world π), getting to explore nature, experience new sights and smells. Yet I haven’t taken her anywhere that isn’t Kansas. (And part of this is the lack of training, in some respects).
- A sister: I really wish she could have a sister, another puppy to play and bound with.
I feel like I could go on and on, but I’ll wrap up my thoughts instead.

In Sum
Because truly, friends, I just feel…I dunno, a lot of guilt. I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum for this pup, when I want her to have everything. She is such a wonderful dog and brings so much joy into my life, so I want to bring all that joy into hers.
Yet I feel awful when I skip a walk and you can see the disappointment in her eyes. I hate that I can’t explain why the weather won’t allow it or why I can’t play with her because I’m in meetings for 9 hours a day (which is not an exaggeration, right now, and for the next few weeks).
And then it’s like, I’m doing all of this work, yet I can’t even afford formal training so I can take her on trips. I can’t do daycare or a dedicated walker to help when I have a flare up, always having to rely on friends or family (or just missing it all together). Hell, I wish I could train her to be a therapy dog so she wouldn’t have to be alone, yet that is an impossibility due to training and finances.
Yet why do I work so hard if I can’t even give my dog the life she deserves? π
Would be very welcome to your thoughts, loves. Even if this topic reveals my (debatably unhinged) dog lady status. π

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Oh my gosh this breaks my heartβyou’re doing the absolute best you can with your extremely stressful circumstances! Please don’t beat yourself up. Like you said, she does get walks as often as possible, she’s well taken care of, and you’re her whole world. I totally get you wish you could do more with her, but as long as she’s happy and healthy (and she looks like the happiest pup), then you’re doing amazing!!
You are so kind, Meredith!! π Seriously, thank you so much. It’s amazing the things that can stress us out, you know? And being a good dog owner is one of them for me!
Well, I think it’s clear you love your dog very much and she clearly has a very good doggy life! I do think most pet owners wish the world for their pets, though, so it’s not surprising you wish you could give more.
I don’t know if this is a workable suggestion, but do you have any friends or family who might want to stop by sometimes periodically just to play with your dog or go for a walk? I know plenty of people who love pets, but they don’t always have a pet themselves because of their living situation or the expense. If people could come over sometimes just to play with your dog, they could get all the benefits of hanging out with a very cool dog, without having to worry about owning a pet themselves. I would totally go over to my friend’s house to play with their pets free! On the flip side, I wouldn’t ask to do this because I wouldn’t want my friend to think I was just visiting them for their dog, lol!
I think you’re definitely right about that! A few pet owners I respect reached out and was like, “Yep, this tracks,” so I definitely think this isn’t a unique thing!
See, I do have some who I think would be willing, but I feel bad asking without being able to pay. I’m not sure if that’s just capitalism ruining my brain or if my anxiety is just putting too much pressure into things that don’t need it…
Ah, this is so hard! You clearly love her so much, which is the most important thing, and it sounds like you’re giving her a very excellent life. I know it’s easy to say, but I think what you do for her is awesome, and you can only do what you can do — the reality is, work is necessary, weather can be awful, and you have to listen to your body!
Thank you, Lisa. So genuinely. π