Last Updated on May 24, 2022 by ThoughtsStained
Hi loves! My brain feels like it’s all over the place right now. I wouldn’t be surprised that the next few blog posts reflect that, starting with this one. You see, the semester just ended, and, since I work at a university, I still follow the semester format, in terms of the year. So right now, I’m feeling a period of reflection and rest, on top of planning and potential. Forefront of my brain right now is my writing. And how I am struggling to write…while actually writing words and making progress.
Complicated and I hate it. Let’s dive in.
Current Writing Practice
I love that my header is suggests I even have a writing practice at this point. 😅😭 Y’all, I have been struggling to write–just basic putting words down on keyboard–since the pandemic. So the fact that I’m actually writing words right now, even very roughly semi-regularly, should have me celebrating every spare moment.
And part of me is absolutely feeling this way. I am very proud of the progress I’m making this year. Currently, I’m trying to write 250 words a work day (so, five times a week). I want it to stay lowkey, as I attempt to build back my writing muscles and figure out a way to balance writing with all my other commitments.
So, why does every day feel like a fight to write those 250 words?
Struggling to Write
This month (mini spoiler alert before my latest Novels and Narrations post goes live), I’ll have written 13 days (hopefully 14, if I write tonight). 14 out of 24 is an AMAZING amount when you’ve hardly written anything else. I’m getting close to finishing out act one in my current WIP. Yet, I’m struggling to write.
Each time I sit down is a battle. Sometimes, pulling out 250 words is the absolute max I can feel myself doing. All of the words feel like shit. This story that should be exciting me feels grueling. I love the premise. The characters are exciting, playing with a new genre and a new world has been fun and fresh. But the struggle is still there and very much felt.
And I’m just left wondering why.
Why am I struggling to write? Is it the state of the world (which, let’s be honest, is just proper shit right now)? Perhaps it’s because I’m trying to balance writing a new WIP on top of doing research to prepare for edits on another? I do think this might be a factor, because I’ve never tried that balance before. Am I still too stuck on my previous WIP, BLOOD PRICE, to write a new one? Is it burnout? Or what about the affects my MFA are having on my writing (aside from taking away writing time)?
Honestly, I really don’t know. I feel it’s a combo of all of it. Worse, I’m not really sure how to “fix” it. Even more terrified there is nothing to fix and this is my new relationship with writing (god, please, I hope not).
All of this together leaves me wondering: what am I meant to do about any of it? I hate the feeling of struggling to write. Dreading a writing session shouldn’t be my default. Hating every word I write (even in a zero draft) can’t be my new normal. Putting writing on the back burner when it’s something that usually makes me the happiest doesn’t feel right.
So, what do I do?
I’m not sure. Writing this blog post is cathartic. Hoping that others read with it and offer advice, words of comfort or wisdom is another promise. I also plan to sit down this week during some time off from the day job to reevaluate my goals and how I want to use my time. Not sure if that will be helpful or depressing (prolly a mix of both).
Anyway. If you’re feeling this way, I want you to know you’re not alone. And, for whatever it’s worth, I am rooting for you. Truly. May we find our ways out of this pit together.