Categories
Random Musings

My Greatest Fear

You’d think it’d be something really dramatic. I mean, my greatest fear, my ultimate fear, the one that if I think about too much head on, it induces the closest thing to a panic attack that I’ve ever experienced, is death. Just the idea that I’m not certain, despite my faith, of what happens after and possibility that one day, everything I could know would just go black and that’s the end of that…fucking terrifies me. So that’s my greatest fear, but that’s not the focus of this post. It’s like how, when someone asks you what your favorite book is (ignoring the fact that I can never truly pick one), I’ll usually list off a couple, but I always make the caveat of, “But after Tolkien, because he’s on a totally different level.” Death is a different level as far as fears go.
But my greatest every day fear?
It’s getting in trouble.
Sounds so pathetic, when I write it out like that, yeah? And I didn’t really realize it, not fully. Like, I always knew how much I hated getting in trouble, but I never truly realized that I feared it, quite truly. I’m not even sure where that fear comes from. I mean, I’ve always been that goodie-twoshoes type, right? That stereotypical “good kid” who was a worry wart and cared too much about what everyone else thought and focused more on getting straight A’s than anything else. Growing up, I got grounded a couple of times, but nothing super major; nothing to warrant this kind of true fear I have with getting in trouble. Yet it’s definitely there, from not speaking my true opinion because I don’t want to upset someone or doing (/avoiding) something because I don’t want to get trouble, it’s constantly surrounding me and affecting my decisions/choices.
the sandlot GIF
Hell, even the other day, I said something to my boyfriend and he turned around and asked, “Why are you always so scared I’m going to be mad at you?” And he was right to question that, because he’s never done anything to make me worry and believe that something I choose to do or something I say is going to upset him. Yet I’m always nervous that something will. Same thing with my friends or my family, to the point where I get nervous tightenings in my stomach when I have to tell a friend I can’t make it to an event they want me to be at or I’m running late, because I’m so worried they are going to be upset with me.
Perhaps it’s just not the fear of getting in trouble, but the fear of disappointing others, too. A nice, lovely combo, that.
Where does this fear come from? What’s my source?
I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you, because perhaps if I could figure out how this switched from just your general uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is upset with you to a genuine fear of it happening, perhaps I could do a better job managing it. But I’m truly not sure. And that’s…well, that’s about all I have for this post, honestly. Just some ramblings over another realization I’ve had about myself and how my brain works.
Sorta.
Cheers.

Categories
Video Games

For Honor: A Review

When For Honor was first announced, I was pretty dang stoked for it. I mean, did you watch the trailer? Did you see the beautiful graphics? Was the nerd in you drawn into the idea of exploring and mastering whatever faction you chose? Did you stress for months beforehand about which faction to swear your loyalties to? Did you get chills at the end of the trailer and get stroked that your typical, “Woe is me, I’m alone again on Valentine’s Day” would be interrupted by epic awesomeness that For Honor promised to be?
Image result for For Honor
Were you also utterly disappointed?
I will be the first to admit that my disappointment was pretty much self-inflicted, as I only really watched the E3 announcement trailer before I got stoked to play it. So I really encourage you, if you’re interested, to give this game a try yourself before you make a decision on how you feel about it.
Based off that trailer, I made these assumptions: one, you get to choose a faction between Knights, Samurai and Vikings, and then you go on a campaign fighting against the other two while bringing loyalty and glory to your own faction. Two, there was this ultra baddie named Apollyon that you’d also have to face–and maybe (and just guessing here) we’d have to unite the factions to defeat her. As a fan of RPGs, I had more of a RPG vision for this game than what the game actually was: a tactical, multiplayer hack and slash.
Image result for For Honor
Don’t get me wrong: this game wasn’t bad, if you were a proper gamer unlike myself and actually looked into what the game was meant to be. And I played it a couple of times and did enjoy myself, even though I sucked at it and never mastered blocking properly. I do think the combat mechanics are fascinating and complex, and offered a challenge that I quite enjoyed (and never got close to mastering). I thought the 12 class options across the three factions was really neat, though I did feel that choosing a faction was a bit pointless if I could play as any class, regardless of my allegiance. And I quickly discovered that the “storyline” mode was really just a way to preview all the different classes, while the multiplayer option was where the meat and potatoes truly lied.
Image result for For Honor
I had a sweeping vision of this epic, open-world RPG where you follow your faction and your champion through epic battles and conquests while attempting to win this age old war. Paired with the beautiful graphics I’d already been teased with and the ominous threat of Apollyon, there was so much promise and hype for this game I had created in my head.
Unfortunately, the game they created didn’t match that vision. And thus, I was disappointed, to the point where I’m actually going to sell the game back and use some of that money to purchase Horizon: Zero Dawn–another new release that I was so stoked about, yet couldn’t afford thanks to buying For Honor and Mass Effect: Andromeda around the same time. It’s not that For Honor is a bad game. It’s just not my cup my tea, especially because I did the game a disservice and followed my own assumptions instead of their advertisement.
So if you like multiplayer games with complex battle systems and a strong reward for tactical prowess, then hit up For Honor. I think you’ll like it. But if you’re more of an open-world, customizable character and too-many-side-quests-to-count kind of player, then perhaps rent it to try it out before you buy.
Cheers.